Sunday, July 10, 2011

A Fresh Start

Tomorrow begins a new work week for us - and we will be beginning to pull the house together, start to implement chores, and I will be encouraging a morning personal devotional for those of us who can read (I guess Will is off the hook, but rest assured I will read something with him!).

Tomorrow I will be starting my Morning Journaling - an idea I heard where when you wake up and get your cup of Joe, you sit and write out all the things that are weighing you down. As you write them out you just release them and give them over to God and His sovereignty. We will see how it goes. =o) I will always be using this 30 day devotional for depression. I am doing other things to begin treating my depression - starting a daily walking routine, being more aware of the foods I am putting into my body, taking dietary supplements, working towards getting more/better sleep, etc. I know that God has provided those suffering with depression with numerous treatments options and therapies and help, but I know ultimately all those things are tools that He uses to do the work within us, and that really all healing, no matter what form it is achieved through, is ultimately going to be through Jesus. I have had a lot of struggle lately with my faith because of the depression. I think a lot of people tend to, like me, begin to blame God or to feel separated from Him when going through a particularly hard time, but this evening as I write this I feel reassurance. I feel that I am beginning to take steps back towards Him, that he has been calling and leading and pulling me the entire time back towards him and away from the snares of this world that have been wrapping around me. I know that through Christ I will find peace and that this heavy yoke I have been carrying will be made light. I have a long way to go, and I know this process has all just begun for me, but I feel hope, which is something that I have not felt for a while now. I am in the darkness, but there is a light still there, and it is growing brighter all the time. I wish I could just reach out to all the people who have felt this same pain that I have been feeling. Especially those who don't know Christ and are going through this without Him. It is such a struggle for me, and I don't know how I would even begin to face this or find that hope without knowing that I am being held in the hands of my God and Savior.

On another note. =o) We have begun praying about a "career" for me. Now, this is nothing that would happen anytime soon, and even then it would be basically a work from home gig. I still plan to homeschool the kids through high school Lord willing, and that is not something that I am willing to sacrifice for a full-time career. However, I have always been interested in the medical field. I am one of those weird people who (when I had cable) would sit and watch Discovery Health for hours - just watching all the medical drama and intrigue unfold. I am fascinated by it all. I also am extremely passionate about the natural birthing process, and how birth in this country has become so "medical" and sterile, and just not even a natural process. Women, we were formed for this! Our bodies were made to do this, and we can. I know there are instances where intervention is CERTAINLY necessary - do not get me wrong. I feel when there is a medical intervention needed, there should be no delay in seeking out that care. But I also feel that a wonderful empowerment and a beautiful experience has been taken away from us in the way our country views birth. Lately I have been feeling called to be trained and certified as a midwife. This is something that would take years, and funding, and it is something I do not want to take lightly. There are so many things to take into consideration and to be prayerfully of before I could even consider taking this step. I need to first make sure it is a vocation the Lord is calling me to, and I also need to make sure that I am in a place where I am close to Him and am doing well with my depression. There are other little things that would also need to be handled first, but the most important thing to me right now is working on my health, and continuing to pray to see if this is what I am being called by the Lord to do. If any of you would like to keep my depression and my vocation in your prayers, it would be greatly appreciated.

Wow, that was long. Did you make it through? If you did I'm really impressed and grateful! =o)

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