Monday, July 25, 2011

Brain Overload

So much is running through my mind today. How am I going to process and get through everything without my brain overloading and exploding? Yikes!

Must take care of bills, must work on the budget, must must must! We have lots of plans for this next year (we hope) so we have to really go through all of our spending habits and review.

Also, this week we are completely readjusting our sleep schedule and buckling down on our chore lists in preparation for the first week of school starting on the 1st. I'm excited to get started and have everything I need and am pretty much prepared, its just like nerves going back to school I guess! I want everything to go smoothly and work out, I know it won't exactly go that way, haha, but I still hope. Today is going very well, but I know tomorrow is going to be a different story! And, just as a side note, if anyone is looking for a checklist type program to help their kids keep up with their chores, and to award them points/money and let them earn an allowance or prizes, I really recommend looking up the online website My Job Chart. We really like it, it keeps us mostly on track, and I like that I can split the kids money up into saving, spending, and giving. Plus, this way we just keep track of points/money online, they can "cash in" a prize that they have been saving for, and I'm not actually ever having to give out or have them keep track of their money. You assign the chores, the time of day to do them, how much points they are worth, etc. It really is a great free program! We have been very satisfied.

Now, on a deeper level. I've been thinking a lot lately about my faith. I know I've been going through a "luke-warm" period for a little while now, and I know that's my fault really. I can't blame other people for that and I certainly can't blame God! But I also know there are some factors that I let affect me so that I got to this point. I know a lot of it has been my depression struggle - that makes me see everything negatively. But it is also just seeing how people in the body of Christ act and behave, towards one another but sometimes more especially to those who are not Christians. I know we are all sinners, and so we are all (and I mean all, cause I suck too) are going to royally screw up all the time! Jesus was God, and yes he was perfect and we are to strive to be like Christ, but I'm pretty sure he knew we would fail at it - hence him actually having to die! If we were capable of doing it, that wouldn't have had to happen. We needed him, and we still need him, and we always will need him. I get that, I really do. And I really want to emphasize that I KNOW I fail all the time. Its just hard when you see others doing it, and sometimes even not caring that they are doing it, that hits so hard to me. Where is the love? I see people on 2 sides - either all about grace and they seem to forget about everything else mentioned in the Bible, or they are so focused on how they are living that grace seems to not even enter their minds and it becomes so works related. I'm not sure where the balance is. I'm not sure where I have been on that scale. I know lately I haven't been going towards Jesus. I know I haven't been seeking after heavenly things like I should be. But I feel so conflicted. And I am unsure what to do about it. I know every church, which is filled with sinners, is never going to be perfect. I know that every "church" really is just a part of the Lord's bigger church (for the most part, there are some groups that...well I just don't think they are Christian even though they claim to be, but that's a whole different post!). But I feel like...most people don't view it as being one church. I don't see any fellowship or unity or love, at least not from where I am. I see some individuals yes who do this, but I am talking about as a whole. Anyway, I'm just talking randomly here. This probably doesn't make any sense and is just going in circles, haha. But right now I am feeling like it is so much about the LOVE and knowing Christ and seeking after him, that I feel like between all this other stuff we talk about that is filling up space, Jesus is getting lost in the shuffle. We are so focused on grace or works that we sometimes don't include Jesus in the picture like we should. Anyway. End of rambling. haha.

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