Monday, January 9, 2012

Let's just scream

Today I am frustrated. So absolutely frustrated! I'm trying not to be. I'm trying to let it go and figure out an alternate plan of action. But, yah. It's not working out so well I suppose.

AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Ok, well that feels a little better. Do you all just need to go be by yourself and scream sometimes? I will pretend you said yes so I don't feel crazy. Moving on.

2 things are frustrating me - church, and UPS. Kmart used to be on my list, but now UPS has surpassed them in terms of frustratingness. So Kmart is not on my list of targets currently - however, I still would recommend you absolutely NOT EVER shop there. For real. Maybe someday I will get over my trauma I experienced there and can share the story with you. But it won't be today.

But the main thing today, right now, in this moment, is the RCIA process. Oh my goodness. Really? I feel bad complaining. I feel like, it could have been a good thing, it SHOULD be a good thing. But, I feel like its all such an unorganized thoughtless mess (at least with the parishes nearby our new home). Sigh. There is a parish nearby that we absoltely will not go to - my parents used to go there and my poor mother was so mistreated and abused during her times of service there, I mean really, and a deacon screamed at me there once, that I just refuse to step into that parish. So, we have 3 others in the nearby vicinity. There are some others up a little further north of us, but the drive between us and there is just a bit farther I think than we would like. I mean, I want something nearby, ya know? Close to home, part of the neighborhood. So my hopes were on the closest parish to us. Their RCIA program is year round and can be started any time, which is GREAT for us! We were so excited. Except they don't have childcare. So we are moving to a new place, where we don't know anyone at all, have no one to watch our kids, and we want to join the church, but we basically can't because we have no childcare. Oh sure we could bring the kids - but really? Can you imagine dealing with 2 almost 3 year old William in a class setting with other people? Ha! It would be a disaster. Not only would I never hear a word being said, but it would be so distracting for all the other people there. No way is it going to happen. So, our other option is another parish, further away, and filled with...very rich people. I'm sure they are all very nice. But, I feel uncomfortable around them. I'm sure its a problem with me and not them. But, I feel that way. And again, its a further drive than I was hoping for. But what can you do? They have a year round program, and they have childcare. And I think its free. I hope its free. If its not, well, then its not very helpful either. Sigh. So right now, I'm just at a loss. None of my options are sounding good. I just feel sad. I feel like things are just not working out, and I'm emotional and frustrated. So, I've passed it on to Adam. I obviously am in no position or emotional state of well being to handle this right now. So I've laid it in his hands. Usually he gives tasks like this to me to figure  out, cause he really doesn't care, but I think he realized I'm just...pregnant and crying all the time. This pregnancy is wreaking emotional havoc. I can't wait for my appointment next week, because I really need to discuss this with my doctor and get it under control (I tend to get depression during and following pregnancy, so I know its begun and I need to handle it).

So. Yah. I'm in a mood. And not happy. But Adam is always there to help me when I can't handle it. He's so good. =o)

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