Alright, so. I'm not sure if I'm ready to really openly discuss this. But hey, here I go anyway. I figure that even though I want to keep certain things "quiet" and to myself, that this blog and so many of you have over the past few months (and some of you years!) been there with my family and me through our growth, changes, trials, joys, everything, that I have to kind of be somewhat open even if I feel like I don't totally want to.
And honestly, I'm not sure WHY I don't want to share this. It feels intensely personal all of a sudden. I've shared my faith and my journey so openly before, I don't know why this is hard for me. For some reason it just feels so much bigger right now.
So, for now we are "suspending" our path into the Roman Catholic church. We're not saying no - we're just saying hold on a minute.
You see, recently, when we moved, we were ready to start RCIA classes. Together as a family, join the church, we were looking forward to it and felt it was really as close as we had ever found to the early church and believed their claims to apostolic succession (still do in fact, that isn't the issue), so it felt like the right step. But as we hunted for a parish to be a part of and to start RCIA in, we came across multiple issues, stumbling blocks if you will, in trying to begin the classes. Adam pointed out - could this be "the devil" - I know, saying that sounds so weird sometimes, but I mean really we thought about it, could he be trying to place things in the way of our conversion to the church? But it didn't feel like that. And we prayed about. And things for some reason just felt like, we have to pause here. Something isn't right. We considered if we were just not ready, and so we needed to be more confident and ready in this decision, even thought the decision to enter RCIA is not binding that you will join the church, its just classes. About this same time, we stumbled across a "debate" if you will, between an Orthodox Christian priest and a Roman Catholic priest, basically regarding the East-West schism. And we thought, whoa wait, there are other churches claiming this same apostolic succession?
So, we are looking into it. Whether or not anything comes of that, I don't know. But we are learning about that faith too, just as we are continuing to learn about the Catholic faith. And we are researching history and liturgy and the Bible and so much. We are visiting services and asking questions, and its just this big learning process. What I really am so pleased with right now though, is that the Orthodox church has been so much more personable to us, and has offered us learning experiences and a welcome that we never received in the Catholic faith locally - not online though, the Catholic community online that I have experienced has for the most part been extremely loving and welcoming (except for one website that shall remain unnamed but which I refuse to go back to!)
So anyway. That's where we're at. Still learning. Still growing. Still changing. Still seeking. But God has his hand in all of it.
Sigh, Oh God. How long have I been having it be more about me than you? Turn me about, I am pleading.