Tuesday, January 24, 2012

So out with it

Alright, so. I'm not sure if I'm ready to really openly discuss this. But hey, here I go anyway. I figure that even though I want to keep certain things "quiet" and to myself, that this blog and so many of you have over the past few months (and some of you years!) been there with my family and me through our growth, changes, trials, joys, everything, that I have to kind of be somewhat open even if I feel like I don't totally want to.

And honestly, I'm not sure WHY I don't want to share this. It feels intensely personal all of a sudden. I've shared my faith and my journey so openly before, I don't know why this is hard for me. For some reason it just feels so much bigger right now.

So, for now we are "suspending" our path into the Roman Catholic church. We're not saying no - we're just saying hold on a minute.

You see, recently, when we moved, we were ready to start RCIA classes. Together as a family, join the church, we were looking forward to it and felt it was really as close as we had ever found to the early church and believed their claims to apostolic succession (still do in fact, that isn't the issue), so it felt like the right step. But as we hunted for a parish to be a part of and to start RCIA in, we came across multiple issues, stumbling blocks if you will, in trying to begin the classes. Adam pointed out - could this be "the devil" - I know, saying that sounds so weird sometimes, but I mean really we thought about it, could he be trying to place things in the way of our conversion to the church? But it didn't feel like that. And we prayed about. And things for some reason just felt like, we have to pause here. Something isn't right. We considered if we were just not ready, and so we needed to be more confident and ready in this decision, even thought the decision to enter RCIA is not binding that you will join the church, its just classes. About this same time, we stumbled across a "debate" if you will, between an Orthodox Christian priest and a Roman Catholic priest, basically regarding the East-West schism. And we thought, whoa wait, there are other churches claiming this same apostolic succession?

So, we are looking into it. Whether or not anything comes of that, I don't know. But we are learning about that faith too, just as we are continuing to learn about the Catholic faith. And we are researching history and liturgy and the Bible and so much. We are visiting services and asking questions, and its just this big learning process. What I really am so pleased with right now though, is that the Orthodox church has been so much more personable to us, and has offered us learning experiences and a welcome that we never received in the Catholic faith locally - not online though, the Catholic community online that I have experienced has for the most part been extremely loving and welcoming (except for one website that shall remain unnamed but which I refuse to go back to!)

So anyway. That's where we're at. Still learning. Still growing. Still changing. Still seeking. But God has his hand in all of it.

Sigh, Oh God. How long have I been having it be more about me than you? Turn me about, I am pleading.

6 comments:

  1. Ugh, totally understand your stance. Praying you and your growing family find something that feels right. Just keep listening to Him!
    How are you enjoying your new house??
    We're right behind you in moving! This summer we've got a BIG move ahead of us!
    Haley

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  2. Thanks Haley!

    The house is wonderful. It is such a relief to have space and room to play, and a place to escape when those moments arise, haha. We are so happy here, and Adam's commute hasn't been but a few minutes longer than it was before the move! SUCH an added blessing!

    I don't want to know. I have a feeling its too far away! But I am happy for you all.

    p.s. I miss our chats! I feel disconnected. Hugs to your sweet girlies and love to your little fam.

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  3. Kelli I've had your post up for a day and a half trying to comment!
    I wish I had the knowledge to explain the east/west split, and while I have heard it explained and it made sense to me, I would never be able to do it justice. It's so complicated.
    More than anything I wanted to tell you that you and your family remain very much in my prayers as you discern God's calling. I can't even begin to tell you how sad it makes me the way you've been treated by the local Catholic churches/RCIA programs. I can't say I'm surprised though. My husband worked in a few parishes when we were first married and sometimes I think that Catholics can get in the way of conversions...as a whole, I think we're behind on evangilization and that makes me sad.
    Anyway, I continue to pray for you and for the Kingdom.
    Much love to you, my friend.

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  4. Andrea, we continue to thank you so much for the prayers! Really, I know we are in need, haha. And it is such a comfort to know that we aren't alone. I can tell you though, that the experiences we have had so far with the RCIA programs is so very disappointing, and I am hoping that I am not letting that disappointment alone interfere with our faith. We had a very negative experience with an RCIA program years ago, when my mother converted to the church and we first considered the faith, and so we avoided that local church this time around and I just couldn't believe the difficulty. Everyone was kind, but there was just no way that the way the RCIA programs are set up and run, that our family could go, and there was no alternative way of taking classes available. I will just sigh about it and take this time to look further into faith and history and to continue praying. I am sure there is something I am missing and this pause is happening for something to come about because of it. Anyway, that was a little tangent, haha, but we appreciate so much your prayers and the sweet openness and kindness of you and your family. It gives me hope. =o)

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  5. I understand where you are with this. I feel like I am on a see-saw between the Roman Catholic and Orthodox Churches, helplessly skidding from one side to the next; or maybe on a merry-go-round passing each in turn again and again and again and getting mighty dizzy in the process! Hoping to spin inward to the centre and peace rather than spinning off into space. ("Arrrgh!) Begging your prayers and offering mine for you and yours. God bless. Rachael

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  6. Rachael - I will definitely be keeping you in prayer, and I appreciate very much yours as well!

    The way you described it, like a merry go round, was so very accurate as to how I feel. At the same time, I also keep longing for my Protestant traditions, just because it has such a nostalgic feeling and tugs at my heart because it was so much of my childhood, and is still the faith of the majority of our family. It would simply be "easier" for us, but I know that it isn't for us, if that makes sense. God is leading us to His church, and its a longer process with more bumps and spins than I expected!

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