I wrote this post last night immediately following my praying of the Rosary. I didn't post it, because I feel very hesitant about putting it out there. Its very personal, but I want a record of things I go through on this faith journey that I am on. So, I decided to put it out there so I don't lose it. As I mentioned, I wrote it immediately following meditation, so reading it now I feel almost silly! But, it was very powerful for me last night, and I feel very at peace and confident now.
I am amazed at the things that can be revealed to me while meditating on the mysteries of the Rosary. Other things have just *clicked* in my head the past few weeks while praying, and tonight it happened again. I have been pestering Adam so much about WHY we can't just do RCIA this year. I keep saying its not a contract, why shouldn't we just go now, I don't understand! But he wants to wait, and do it together next year, so I agreed to wait. And yet, I still keep pestering him. I want him to change his mind to do what I want, when I want it, on my timetable. And I receive an answer I was not looking for while saying the Rosary tonight. My conversion, will be like the Joyful Mysteries. An angel came to Mary, and announced that she would be the mother of the Savior. Just as she is the mother of Christ, she is my Mother, and she is holding me now in her prayers and in her heart, and I am but a small dot in her hand that has a spark of life, and will begin to grow. She is nurturing me and loving me as I begin this faith. Mary visited Elizabeth, and Mary the Mother of God and Jesus Christ were recognized! Just as Christ was recognized, as I grow in this faith and in my understanding and in devotion and love to God, I will begin to grow and Christ will begin to be seen in me. Just as Mary had to travel far, with her poor unsuspecting (at first) husband, so do I. This year of learning and traveling towards this faith is going to be hard. There will be challenges, and I will lose things and it may not always go the way I want. But it will end in birth. Mary gave birth to the Savior of the world, and I will be born, a small infant, making my way into the Catholic church, next year when I enter RCIA. Mary presented Jesus at the temple, according to the Law, and whether I completely understand or even agree with the RCIA process, I will be obedient to the Lord and His Church, and will become a candidate and presented to the church while in the RCIA process. And finally, what a joyous occasion, and such a relief, when Jesus is found in the temple of His Father. Likewise, at the end of my journey, I will be able to be found there as well. Right where I am supposed to be. Learning, asking questions, growing in my faith, in the house of my Father in heaven. And, I am to be leading and teaching MY children then too, just as Mary my Mother, has and will lead me towards her Son.